Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
