tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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