Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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