just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
