So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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