Sry I called you an 8
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
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