I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Randomize
