So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
