She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize