we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
