she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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