I wanna passion pit in your ass
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize