my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
