What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Randomize
