I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
