What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
