I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
