left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Randomize
