I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
