if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Houston, we have a squirter
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize
