worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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