hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
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