I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
