Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
