I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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