I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
