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• (480): View more from Arizona

  This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.

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• (206): View more from Washington

  he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy

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• (251): View more from Alabama

  He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.

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• (917): View more from New York City

  Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.

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• (774): View more from Massachusetts

  It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.

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• (908): View more from New Jersey

  so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.

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• (216): View more from Ohio

  I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?

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• (407): View more from Florida

  Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.

  (1-407): View more from Florida

  Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.

  (407): View more from Florida

  Bro? You just made it a target.

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• (575): View more from New Mexico

  Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.

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• (443): View more from Maryland

  I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.

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• (631): View more from New York

  Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.

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• (612): View more from Minnesota

  should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus

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• (386): View more from Florida

  ELLEHCIM

  (386): View more from Florida

  NYRMAK

  (386): View more from Florida

  DRAHCIR

  (1-386): View more from Florida

  WHAT??

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• (401): View more from Rhode Island

  Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT

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• (519): View more from Ontario

  it's a shower with the lights off kind of day

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