Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
