sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
