And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
