My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
