So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Randomize