He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Come back. Shots need mouths.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
