Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
