he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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