I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
