they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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