dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
