he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize
