I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
