Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
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