1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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