i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
