Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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