For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
