I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
be right there i have to get my cape
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
