"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
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