True but thats because hes a fetus.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize