All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Randomize
