dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
