you guys were way drunker than both of me
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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