No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
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