He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
