ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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