wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize