i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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