then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Randomize
