I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Randomize
