you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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