I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Randomize
