I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
