And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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