She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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