So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Randomize
