Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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