I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
i need some magic done to my vagina
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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