First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
