i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
