So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
