what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
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