ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Randomize
