so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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