3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
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