i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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