Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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