Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize