she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
