Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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