Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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