Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
you're hired as official boob wrangler
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
