I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
