Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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