maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
